Having sex after you have a baby is an important milestone that’s often swept under the rug. As a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist, I’ve worked with thousands of women who experienced painful sex after birth but thought that it was normal and something that they should just hope will go away with time.
While certain discomfort with sex after childbirth can be normal – especially in the early postpartum – persistent pain is NOT normal and treatable. This is true whether you delivered vaginally or via C-section.
In this article, I’ll break down why sex might be painful after birth, help you understand what’s normal and what’s not, and share effective solutions to help you restore comfortable, enjoyable intimacy.
Is It Normal for Sex to Be Painful After Having a Baby?
Some tenderness during your first few intimate encounters after childbirth is expected, but persistent pain is NOT a part of normal postpartum recovery.
Physical intimacy shouldn’t hurt, and it’s not something you should just grit your teeth through or hope will resolve on its own – there are effective treatments available!
As a Pelvic Floor Therapist, so many of the moms I see in the PT clinic feel like something is wrong with them because they don’t want to have sex postpartum or struggle with sexual pain.
They often feel like they’re somehow broken or abnormal.
Why? Because there’s a MASSIVE gap in postpartum education about sexual health and recovery.
Painful sex after birth is, unfortunately, very common. Research shows that painful postpartum sex affects:
- Up to 62% of women at 3 months after delivery
- Up to 45% at 6 months
- Up to 32% even at 12–18 months postpartum
Yet postpartum sexual pain remains severely under-discussed and under-treated.
In the same study, it was determined that a staggering 85% of women never discuss these symptoms with their healthcare providers, instead suffering silently, waiting for improvement, or believing this discomfort is simply their new normal.
Those who bring it up to their medical provider are often told to “just drink wine” or given another silly tip that doesn’t actually address the issue.
Most importantly, this pain isn’t just physical – it can create a ripple effect, impacting your relationship with your partner, your mental health, and your overall sense of well-being.
I found this interesting thread on Reddit about painful sex after birth, and I have a LOT to say about it.
I love that this mama started this discussion about painful intercourse after giving birth – something she identifies as “somewhat taboo” – and it’s wonderful that learning more about it helped her feel less alone.
But I want to emphasize something crucial: you don’t have to just accept this pain or wait indefinitely for it to “eventually get better.”
Yes, knowing you’re not alone brings comfort, but I want to take this conversation a step further. There are concrete, effective steps you can take to reclaim comfortable, pleasurable intimacy after childbirth.
Painful Sex 6 Months After Birth
I see women experiencing painful sex 6 months after birth a LOT in he PT clinic.
According to one scientific study, 21.2% of women still experienced pain during sex at 6 months postpartum. So, if you’re still experiencing pain during sex half a year after delivery, you’re not alone – but there are steps you can take to change that.
Let’s be clear about what’s normal at this stage and what isn’t. It’s completely normal to feel hesitant about intimacy 6 months after birth.
You might not feel emotionally ready, or you might be anxious about potential pain based on past experiences.
These feelings are valid and worth honoring.
However, actual PHYSICAL pain during intercourse at this stage isn’t normal – it’s your body signaling that something needs attention.
Painful Sex After C-Section
“But I had a C-section – shouldn’t my pelvic floor be fine?” I hear this question a lot as a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist, and it reflects one of the biggest misconceptions about cesarean births.
The truth is that painful sex after a C-section birth can be just as common – and sometimes even more challenging – for mamas who deliver via C-section instead of having a vaginal birth.
Your pelvic floor still carried the weight of your baby for nine months during pregnancy. Then, during and after your C-section, your body underwent a major abdominal surgery.
This combination often leads to increased pelvic floor tension and dysfunction.
Your pelvic floor muscles often tighten up as a protective response to the surgical procedure and scar tissue, creating painful sensations during intimacy.
Learn more about your pelvic floor after a C-section.
How Long Is Sex Painful After Birth?
To give a short answer, sex after childbirth should NEVER feel painful.
The longer answer is a bit more nuanced. The truth is, there’s no universal timeline for resuming sexual activity after birth.
Even the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) now recommends having multiple postpartum checkups to safely return back to normal activities (including sex) in a way that feels right to YOU.
So, the traditional “6-week clearance” at your postpartum check-up isn’t a deadline. It’s absolutely okay to not feel ready for sex at 6 weeks, 12 weeks, or even longer – especially if you’re still healing.
However – and this is crucial – if you’re experiencing pain during intercourse when you DO feel ready to try, that’s not normal and should not be accepted as such.
I came across this comment on Reddit.
A new mom shared that wine and lubricant made sex “decent for the majority of the time.” This broke my heart because you deserve so much more than just “decent” sex achieved through alcohol (I actually DO recommend using this lube!).
Why Is Postpartum Sex Painful? The Most Common Causes
Your body has gone through remarkable changes during pregnancy and birth that affect everything from your hormones to your muscles. Here are the most common reasons why you might feel pain during sexual intercourse postpartum.
Your Birth Experience
Research has linked painful sex after childbirth with physical trauma from birth, such as having perineal tears, an episiotomy, or just an overall intense delivery.
This is common with vaginal delivery, but this doesn’t mean that C-section mamas don’t experience physical discomfort in their pelvic floor after birth. They do – especially moms who had an unplanned or emergency C-section.
Some women also feel emotionally traumatized by certain aspects of their births, which can make it difficult to be intimate with their partner. The world expects you to have sex at 6 weeks, but many women don’t feel emotionally ready, and that’s OKAY.
Hormonal Changes
The hormonal rollercoaster of postpartum recovery is real, especially if you’re breastfeeding. Reduced estrogen levels can cause vaginal tissue to become thinner and drier, making intercourse uncomfortable or painful.
Lube can be very helpful.
If you experience vaginal dryness in the early postpartum or while breastfeeding, this should improve throughout your postpartum journey as your hormones stabilize. When breastfeeding, vaginal dryness can last for a few months after you wean.
Pelvic Floor Dysfunction
Your pelvic floor is a part of your core system and it’s affected by all the changes your body makes during pregnancy and postpartum.
Beyond direct birth injuries, factors like altered posture during pregnancy, weakened core strength, changes in joint mobility, and returning to exercise too quickly can all contribute to pelvic floor dysfunction and make it difficult to have pain-free sex.
Try this postpartum ab workout to get your core strength back!
C-Section
After a C-section, you’re not just recovering from pregnancy – you’re also healing from major abdominal surgery that affects 7 layers of tissue. This can contribute to painful postpartum sex.
For many women, especially those who didn’t plan for a C-section, there’s also an emotional component to the healing process that doesn’t just magically disappear at 6-8 weeks postpartum.
When your body holds trauma or feels unsafe and strressed, your muscles can naturally tighten up, which makes sex more painful.
Breastfeeding
There’s a significant connection between breastfeeding and painful sex postpartum.
One study showed that 31.5% of breastfeeding moms report pain during sex at 6 months postpartum, compared to just 12.7% of non-breastfeeding moms.
This is often due to decreased estrogen levels that can cause vaginal dryness. Finding a high-quality lubricant can be very helpful.
Emotional and Psychological Factors
There’s limited research on psychosocial factors that affect postpartum sex, but every mom knows how difficult life can be after having a baby.
You’re navigating an entirely new identity as a mama, dealing with sleep deprivation, and adjusting to changed relationship dynamics with your partner. Stress, anxiety, and postpartum mood changes can all impact your sexual health.
Many, many women don’t feel comfortable in their new postpartum body. You might also feel “touched out” and just want to be left alone – that’s normal and valid.
Even if you feel physically healed, you might not feel emotionally ready – and that’s completely fine. Pushing yourself before you’re truly ready can actually intensify pain and create negative associations with sex.
Painful Sex After Birth: Stitches & Their Impact
If you had stitches from tearing or an episiotomy during delivery, they can have a big impact on how comfortable you feel during sex postpartum.
Stitches typically dissolve within a few weeks, but the healing tissue underneath can still be tender for longer. Scar tissue may also form during healing, which can feel tight or cause a pulling sensation during sex.
Some women feel hypersensitive around their scars, and others might feel a sharp or burning pain when the area is touched.
Specialized pelvic floor physical therapy techniques can help improve tissue mobility and reduce sensitivity. You can learn more in Strong Core Mama.
Using a pelvic floor wand is also helpful. You can my recommend brand on my Favorites Page.
What Happens If You Don’t Wait 6 Weeks After Birth?
Surveys show that almost a quarter of women have sex again before the 6-week mark, but this doesn’t mean that it’s the safest choice for your body.
Your body needs time to heal – your uterus is still shrinking, any tears or stitches are still healing, and you have an internal wound where the placenta was attached.
I recommend the traditional 6-week guideline as just a minimum baseline. You don’t HAVE to have sex at 6 weeks. In fact, 46% of women wait longer than six weeks, and that’s completely normal and healthy.
How to Make Sex Less Painful After Birth?
Knowing that painful sex after birth isn’t normal is one thing – but what concrete steps can you take to actually improve your experience?
Here are the 5 things that I recommend as a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist.
1. Talk to Your Partner
Open communication with your partner is so, so important during the sensitive postpartum period.
There’s so much misinformation around postpartum bodies and sex that it can make these conversations feel awkward or challenging, but do your best to overcome those feelings and talk openly about how you both feel.
Not all moms are ready for sex at six weeks postpartum, and that’s perfectly okay.
Having an honest discussion with your partner about your concerns, physical factors, and emotional readiness can make you feel more intimate in an arguably even more important way.
2. Prep with a Wand
One of the reasons why you may experience painful sex after birth is having overactive and tight pelvic floor muscles. Scar tissue from delivery (whether from tearing, episiotomy, or C-section) can create uncomfortable trigger points as well.
A pelvic wand can be a helpful tool for gently releasing this muscle tension and relieving tender areas at your own pace.
This can help reduce discomfort and increase tissue mobility.
I recommend the Intimate Rose Pelvic Wand, and you can use the code “ANNA5” to get $5 off! You can find more products for postpartum recovery on my Favorites Page.
3. Use a Good Lubricant
Hormonal changes after birth – especially if you’re breastfeeding – can impact your natural lubrication. Vaginal dryness can make sex more painful, so using a high-quality, clean lubricant can be very helpful.
I recommend Coconu! If you’re breastfeeding, these hormonal effects can last until 2-3 months after weaning, so don’t be afraid to stock up.
4. Use an Ohnut
The Ohnut is an intimate wearable that can help you manage pain with penetrative sex.
It’s a set of soft, stackable rings that can help you control penetration depth, and it’s compatible with most condoms and lubes.
You can add or remove rings to find the most comfortable depth for you, which can be super helpful with pelvic pain! You can get one from The Pelvic People.
5. Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy
When you hear the words “pelvic floor physical therapy,” you may think that it’s all about strengthening your pelvic floor muscles. But learning to relax these muscles is equally crucial – if not more important – in the postpartum period.
Constantly holding tension in your pelvic floor is like keeping any other muscle clenched all day – it leads to fatigue, discomfort, and eventually, pain.
Learning to properly relax your pelvic floor muscles through diaphragmatic breathing can be a game-changer if you experience painful intercourse.
I teach women how to do that in Strong Core Mama!
How Do You Know If Your Pelvic Floor Is Damaged After Birth?
Your pelvic floor goes through a lot during pregnancy and birth, so here are a few signs that it needs some targeted rehab:
- Painful sex or deep penetration discomfort
- Leaking pee when you cough, laugh, sneeze, or exercise
- A feeling of heaviness or pressure in your vagina
- Lower back pain
- A sensation of “looseness” or something “falling out” of your vagina
- Difficulty controlling gas or bowel movements
- Pain during everyday activities like sitting, walking, or lifting your baby
- Having to rush to the bathroom frequently
- Pain or pressure in your perineum (the area between your vagina and rectum)
- Dealing with diastasis recti
In severe cases, ignoring these symptoms can lead to a pelvic floor injury or serious issues like pelvic organ prolapse, but evidence-based physical therapy can help you rebuild and restore your pelvic floor & core!
When Does Sex Feel Good After Birth?
There’s no universal timeline for when sex becomes pleasurable again. Every mom’s journey is unique and influenced by factors like delivery method, healing process, hormones, and emotional readiness.
But taking proactive steps like pelvic floor therapy, using appropriate tools, and maintaining open communication with your partner can speed up your return to comfortable, enjoyable intimacy!
Many moms worry that sex will never feel the same as it did before pregnancy. And they’re right – it might not feel exactly the same.
But different doesn’t mean worse.
As you heal and reconnect with your body, you might discover new sensations and sources of pleasure. So, it might not feel the same as before, but what if it eventually feels even BETTER?!
FAQs
How Long Does Postpartum Dryness Last?
Vaginal dryness is closely tied to breastfeeding and typically persists until your hormones regulate – usually 2-3 months after weaning. During lactation, your estrogen levels remain low, which directly affects vaginal lubrication. Using plenty of high-quality lubricants like Coconu can be very helpful if you’re experiencing discomfort!
How Can I Make Postpartum Sex Less Painful?
Pelvic floor therapy is your first line of defense! There are also several things you can do in the short-term, such as using tools like a pelvic wand to release tight muscles and an Ohnut for depth control. Using plenty of high-quality, clean lube like Coconu is also very helpful.
Why Am I So Tight After a C-Section?
That tight sensation after a C-section often comes from unconsciously guarding your pelvic floor muscles. Major abdominal surgery can trigger a protective response in your body, causing you to keep your pelvic floor chronically contracted. Learning proper relaxation techniques through diaphragmatic breathing and pelvic floor therapy can help release this tension!
How Long Until Sex Drive Comes Back Postpartum?
Your libido can be affected by a ton of different factors, such as hormonal changes from breastfeeding, sleep deprivation, emotional adjustments to motherhood, and physical recovery. There’s no “normal” timeline for when desire returns – some women feel ready within weeks, others take months or longer. Don’t pressure yourself to have sex. Low libido is okay and often temporary, but painful sex isn’t normal and something you should ignore or push through.
How Long Should Sex Hurt After Having a Baby?
Having sex after giving birth should NEVER hurt! Some initial discomfort during the first few attempts at intimacy can be normal, but there should be no persistent pain. If you’re experiencing pain during sex, it’s a sign that you need support – such as using lube + tools and doing pelvic floor physical therapy!
Rebuild and Restore Your Pelvic Floor Postpartum
All moms deserve to feel confident, comfortable, and strong in their new postpartum body, and that includes enjoying pain-free sex!
In Strong Core Mama, you can find evidence-based physical therapy exercises to rebuild your pelvic floor strength and function.
It has a dedicated C-section track for my C-section mamas, and I’m there to regularly answer your questions, along with weekly check-ins for accountability and guidance!
